Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Culturally Etiquette-less!!!

My blunders.. a.k.a "SOMEONE SHOULDA TOLD ME ABOUT THIS DAMNIT!"


1- You know how in Eid you say "Kol 3am o into b5air" ?... and when you go to sleep you say "Ti9ba7o 3ala 5air" ?
Well one Eid my mom's friends are calling our house because her cell was off, and I keep answering.. each one would say "kol 3am o inti b5air" and I'd reply "o inti min ahl al 5air" .. sounded good enough.. about 5 ladies later, one was nice enough to inform me that my reply was for goodnight-- "Ti9ba7o 3ala 5air" ..

Right now I can't remember the appropriate one for Eid anyway.. someone tell me before Eid comes!


2- An older relative of ours visits and no one is home but my uncle and I.

I had to "a9ub il gahwa" .. I figure this can't be that hard. I grab the coffee thingy.. and umm.. one of those cup thingies .. finjan ya! .. and I'm about to start pouring when my uncle gives me the evils.. and keeps twitching his head to the left...

Apparently I have to pour with my left... shouldn't I weight train for this?!
THEN.. I went to sit down.. boy o boy I thought his head was gonna steam off..
I learned that I had to stand until the old fool was done with coffee.. and refills.. all with my left hand.. disaster! (never mind the fact that you have to pour an exact amount.. not to the rim. and not halfway-- a piece of information lost on me that day)


3- I go to my cousin Naif's wedding in Jeddah

After we arrive, they start singing something about coffee and welcoming.. I think aww how cute.. and the ladies come around with arabic coffee. I'm sitting at a table with my mom and sister and some ladies we don't know (ahl il 3aroos) .. The women coming around with the coffee hand me, my mom, and my sister coffee.. but non for the two ladies!
I think how RUDE! .. and pass mine to them.. they look at me like "what the hell!"
Coffee was for ahly il 3arees only..
Shouldn't they put that in the lyrics or something.. geez!


4- Same wedding..

About an hour after we arrive, the bride and groom still haven't appeared.. I decide to duck in the lady's room.. about 5 minutes later I come back and the WHOLE room has covered up and is wearing their abaya..
I'm thinking "whaaat the hell.. is it over?! this is it!!?" .. so imagine me stopped in my tracks in the middle all confused.. and tadaaa... il zaffa badat.. and we have a bunch of the bride's brothers and uncles coming in...
Someone eventually pulls me away and explains.. I defiantly refuse to don my own black garb.. although I'm sure my statement was lost on all the bitches giving me the evils..


5- My uncle's wife was having her first baby and we were at the hospital..

She finally gets wheeled in to the Operation Room.. and I'm the only one sitting outside next to two old women waiting for their own.
One of them asks me who I'm waiting for.. I inform her.. and then she says something to the effect of "zoujat 5alik? bakur?" ...
I'm like "uhhh! NO!.. She's having the baby right now.. she wouldn't be in there if she was having it tomorow!"
"bakur" is a first timer.. not "bukra" .. as in tomorow..
Wonderful Leeno.. why don't you just go up there and slap the poor women!


6- My mom's friend drops by for a visit unannounced

I was the only one around. I greeted her appropriately and everything, brought her in.. made some chit chat .. and went to get my mom. At which point she started yelling that I was inconsiderate for not asking her to take off her Abaya.. and of course with my luck 6il3atly wa7da makkawiya mga3dda.. boy did I hear it.
She's like "ummik ma 3allimatik".. I told her to take it up with my mom.. she thought that was funny and I was off the hook..


7- A neighbor of ours...

Who's around 20 something years old and newly married invites us out to an "istira7a" where she's having a party. I figure no need to make an ass of myself.. and I dress very modestly.. I get there and people barely have any clothes on. I looked like the principle of a catholic school..


8- Same woman invites us again ..

This time to her sister's engagement.. not one to make the same mistake twice, I whipped out my miniskirt and camisole...
whatdya know..
Everyone is dressed in longsleeves and long skirts and dresses.. $%^%^$!!!


9- I find out that every saudi out there is into "Abu Nora" .. and having taken up Arabic music lately I felt the urge to listen to him too..
Try as I friggin may.. I could not find Abu Nora anywhere..
Conspiracy theories run through my mind.. perhaps he's an underground singer .. perhaps he's only for the priviliged few...? Any relation to MAMA NORA? .. coz then I already love him!

Only yesterday did I find out.. Abu Nora is Mohamed Abdu..


10- It was after Ramadan back home, my Arabic teacher was transferred to the Boy's section and we got some lady. So we hadn't seen him for some time, one day he comes by to say hello and I stick out my hand to shake his.. he puts his on his chest .. and there I am with my hand stuck out looking very much idiotic. Then.. to seal the idiocy seal I say "Haaao ! Sallim!" haha.. and the poor man does.


So many rules.. Can't someone publish a book or something!!!

I'm sure I'll be fully ostracized and disowned by the end of the year..

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1 Comments:

simply adorable.. i could jus gobble you up! lmao

seriously, i almost fell of the chair on the coffee bit... thank you!

By  Leo., at 18 January, 2006 13:03  

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