Saturday, January 14, 2006

Delusions of Belonging..

The chorus is not great.

On a chilly February night, the ballroom quickly filled with loungers and socializers. Some prudent soul had the foresight to slide the balcony doors open allowing in some cool air. The event managed to attract many faces; the eccentric, the austere, the fashionable, the average-Joe, the brilliant, and the ethnic.

As I broke off, floated to a nearby stool, and settled comfortably, I saw her hesitate at the door. I suppose if I were to describe her from where I was sitting, I'd say she's intriguing; everything about her screamed precision. Her attire was impeccable and simple. Her mannerism was deliberately aloof, contrasted with a slight tilt of her chin implying interest.

I sipped my drink and knew I was in for quite a show as I watched her mental wheels churn, she finally decided to enter rather than wisely flee. Her most amusing act must be the brilliant contortion of countenances... almost instantly from polite interest to amusement, from happiness to sympathy, or from stiff formality to the occasional flirtatiousness. She made her way through the different crowds diligently... almost relentlessly. I hear her discuss football with the meat-head, research with the professor, the +/- grading with the dean, or the latest prada line with the aspiring fashionista. When all common grounds were exhausted.. she moved to subtle flattery before a transition to the next challenge.

Eventually her laugh became a tad forced, and the flow of conversation tripped. One could almost see the exhaustion creeping at her. I nearly felt the need to go steady her. Prudently, she seamlessly stepped away from a rather fascinating conversation about the latest in stem cell research, and made her way towards the balcony and out into the chilly night. Her fatigue was now apparent as she lit a cigarette and slouched over the frosty rail. A couple of guys followed her out casually, yet she made no attempt to be charming nor engaging.. apparently, this was the designated break time. A few minutes later, she turned around leaning back against the rail to face the ruckus, she took a final drag off of mentholed nicotine..

I wondered how she could stand to do it. Surely it wasn't this hard for everyone. Should it be this hard?

She looked my way with a sheepish smile and a shrug; as if to say: hey.. we tried..

I stepped down from my high and detached stool, floated back.. and we headed out towards the unusually dark night ..aimlessly.

| 15 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

15 Comments:

Stop changing your profile picture!!!!!!!

Interesting piece, I sometimes feel that way at weddings or other social events :s Does the word misfit come to mind? :p

By  Sedna, at 14 January, 2006 07:39  

hi
sorry to ask, but could you please explain how you put music on your blog? please please please i'd really appreciate!

By  meriem, at 14 January, 2006 08:59  

7: heh.. blogging has fried your brain..

Sed: Jeez bite me why don't you.. This one's a keeper!
and ohh it sure does.

Meriem: Go to Castpost.com, make an account, upload your music, and it'll generate an html code for you to put on your blog.

By  Trevelyana, at 14 January, 2006 12:39  

thank you thank you soo much!!!

By  meriem, at 14 January, 2006 14:19  

Meesh: Which one? did you get that they're one?
:**

By  Trevelyana, at 14 January, 2006 17:28  

I loved the whole post but this line was magnificent :

'She looked my way with a sheepish smile and a shrug; as if to say: hey.. we tried..'

As usual, I enjoy reading ur stuff leeno ;)

By  $uper MO, at 14 January, 2006 17:56  

Mo: Thank you sweetheart, you guys are such an encouragement.

Meesh: You're the only one that got it.. that's why I love ya dude.. miss ya!

By  Trevelyana, at 15 January, 2006 07:13  

It should not be this hard.
Don't hesitate to steady her it doesnt make her less of a person.
Dont take so long to get off your high stool.

I love your writing sweet heart and I am glad you decided to finally share it with me.

By  Anonymous, at 15 January, 2006 12:26  

mommy!.. aren't we a cheesy bunch :)
I thought we agreed on no mushiness and no psych evaluation!

I like my high stool.. but I'll think about it.

Glad you like it, don't be a stranger ;)

By  Trevelyana, at 15 January, 2006 13:34  

that's soooo cute :')

Leenz mommy: you raised a fine writter - mashalla - & what it seems that you guyz have a very healthy relationship since you're here ;)... coz i couldn't,wanted to thought, to let my mom enter my world...
Leenz is a daughter every mom must be proud of :D

Leenz: you have a very supportive mom, it's not very easy to find ;)

By  $uper MO, at 15 January, 2006 16:39  

though*

By  $uper MO, at 15 January, 2006 16:41  

Mo: Yes it is hard.. you wouldn't believe the number of candidates I had to interview..heh.

She is very supportive.. and I love her to no end for it. You'd be surprised how cool your parents are once you give them a chance.
Thanks hun :)

Fais: My favorite person. 3rd that is.
Thanks.

By  Trevelyana, at 15 January, 2006 22:47  

It's so hard to believe that you're only 19! MashaAllah, I'm truly amazed. I've been reading your blog for a while now and I'm quite impressed by your style of writing and way of thinking! Great blog!

By  Anonymous, at 16 January, 2006 07:42  

Yay! We finally get to meet your mom :) - virtually that is... but yes she should be proud of you in every possible way...

Hmmm...maybe I wouldn't mind sharing my writing with my mom, but I would have a hell of a time trying to translate it :s

By  Sedna, at 16 January, 2006 08:26  

nemo: Aww.. Thank you so much.. sheesh.. how is my big head ever making it out the door today :)

Sedna: Ya my mom loses interest quickly heh.. I told her about it like a month ago o taw il naas. But I'm sure she's glad to meet you all.

By  Trevelyana, at 16 January, 2006 13:24  

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