Friday, April 28, 2006

.. Where the heart is.

It was supposed to be Ozzy's "Momma I'm coming home"
but it wont upload godamnit! So download that one
while you listen to this.

The birds are chirping, the breeze is whistling, the sun is glaring... it's spring. mmm. Love it!
Which means I go back HOME, to good ol' Riyadh in a couple of weeks. Oh Riyadh how I've missed thee... your endless scorching days, your great food, your ...
Ok I'm out.

It's not actually the weather that reminds me of the time, it's my mother's phone call every year around this time:
" Ya7laaaalik ya binti khalas garrabty tijy!.. 3asa n7ifty? 3asa ga99aity sha3rik? ... could you get me... "
What follows is a list of the most tedious, rare, and particular items you could ever imagine. Things that have me driving timidly into the city ghetto, or hours to D.C and Virginia malls. Lets not forget " 'flana' at work really liked the perfume you got me last year could you possibly get flana the same one? and flana used to live in virginia years ago and wants indian spices from a store next to her old house".

Ya jima3a.. indian spices from the States?! How does that make any sense?!

Of course I loath shopping. This morning I eyed my closet half full of army pants, black tees, endless flip flops, and the rest of the grubby stuff I love to slum around in, and just like every year, I realize I need a whole new wardrobe if I'm going home or I'll never hear the end of it. "Oh sweetheart why are you wearing that? we're not going to enlist in the army".. the woman fancies herself a wit.

So grudgingly I venture out to the local mall. I've developed some kind of apparel schizophrenia since leaving home. Nine months of the year I look like a bum, the last month I scurry around looking for prissy proper crap to shut the Grand Dames up during the long summer months.

While trying on some over-priced, already been torn, (why? I don't get it.. and why is everything so godamn long?) clothes, I notice the store's choice of photos to hang on the fitting room walls.



What jackass came up with that bright idea?.. yes, yes of course it's... "art".

Oh and they have a kids section..

*Can anyone guess the store?*







Two hours later, I'm tired.. grumpy.. hungry . You'd think I fought a battle.

Shopping.. not for the faint of heart.

| 9 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

Monday, April 24, 2006

I...

.. BROKE my finger!

OW!

| 22 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|





Unveiled..

I have nothing but admiration for women that are veiled, especially in a non-muslim country where stigmata continue to exist. However the 1/2 hijab syndrome is mind boggling to me. Call me naive, but the girls with the Hijab on in school and at home, but off when they're out painting the town, or on during the week and off on weekends, or on all the time but off with boyfriends... it seriously stumps me.

It all pales in comparison to what I witnessed a couple of days ago. (keep in mind that I certainly do not declare myself to be the epitome of chastity nor a model Muslimma... but I certainly do not parade around pretending to be so. Nor do I shove my self-righteous crap down people's throats in the name of religion-- this is specific to the character I'm about to introduce so please do not declare holy war on me, I left my spear and habit at home)

Seeing as I have lost practically any semblance of life for the past 9 months, I decided to go out with friends for a shisha fix and a generally relaxing night of conversation. We arrive at the place, grab a table, and as I'm scanning the flavours menu my friend points to the other side of the room at a girl in a colorful Hijab.

"Isn't that Nora*?"

That would be our beloved muslimeen students group president. Frankly, I am not a fan of the group for several reasons. For one thing, they've labeled me as the pariah and I'm graced with less than muslim-like stares whenever I encounter one of them (and no I haven't committed anything scandalous). For another, I'm not too keen on their holier-than-thou, god's-gift-to-the-straying-student body, hello-sister-and-brother hypocritical crap. Because underneath it all there's backstabbing, gossiping, and lusting after other members. Finally, the whole Chastity Commission act is infuriating. That's MY personal opinion after trying to get along with them.

Anyhow, it turns out to be none other than her, and my friends invite her and the guy with her over to our table. She introduces herself to me and asks my name (rrright..). I smiled and made nice.
My shisha arrives and as far as I'm concerned the world might as well be obsolete. I turn to the TV broadcasting Al Jazeera and watch the news for a while. When I turn back to my table, I find the girl ... err.. well, locked in an embrace with her guy friend.

I almost knock my shisha down. My jaw was already leading the way.

My friend jabs me, and I make a feeble attempt to collect my mandible.

Holy shit.

Everyone in the place fairly turn their seats away in discomfort or towards us in unveiled interest.

At this point I'm wondering if I should perhaps dislodge them?.. To my relief they decide that oxygen is a necessity. The girl notices my expression.. and laaaughs!.. oh! the NERVE! All that self-righteous crap she's been assaulting everyone with...

Later on she leaves and I whip around to my friend.

"Whaaat was that?"

My friend shrugs.

"Meet the new generation... the Ho-jabis" **



*Obviously her name has been changed lest she send me to the gallows.
**Views do not necessarily reflect the blog owner's view and please do not take offence.

| 21 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

Friday, April 21, 2006

On a..

.. Different note.

I've been feeling very odd these days. Completely out of sorts.

.. pointless preamble.


An old friend of mine has stopped over on his way to South America from the lands down under. I desert my crazy schedule and head to the airport to pick him up. As always, his message is less than clear... an offhanded "hey I'll be at --- airport at 3-ish".

That's it. No airline, no gate.. and at the time when the hour hand is at 3 (maybe) and the minute hand is at -ish.

I parked my car at arrivals, walked inside, and found an Arrivals computer screen thingie and just stared at it blankly looking for a city name that I recognize to be from that region. It occurred to me that I don't remember the last Geography class I took... and that we're not 14 years old making hazy plans to hang out and play basket ball anymore.

I finally spot him standing in the middle of the walkway .. careless and confused as always. He looks exactly the same with his goofy smile, curly hair, hawaiian print shirt, and slanted shoulder. He's like my other half.. the goofy half.

I don't know.. there's really no big end meaning to this. Just that being so far away from loved ones, one starts to lose parts of themselves. As I ran over like an idiot towards my old friend, and later as we sat eating and chattering and he pulls my hair in the way that has infuriated me since we were kids.. I thought it's nice to be loved.
It makes me feel ok.

| 14 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

Monday, April 17, 2006

Familial Ties Rearing Their Ugly Heads Yet Again

--"Oh come on L. .. 3aaaib you have to invite her to stay with you"

I knew I was fighting a losing battle. 3aib almost equates to 7aram in our society. Add in family and you've got yourself a mortal sin if you commit the 3aib deed.

My cousin-- termed loosely, I have yet to find convincing direct lineage-- is in town with her family. We're about the same age and her mother has talked to my mother about letting her stay with me for a few days because Rima wants to be on her own and away from the family.

Excuse me.. would anyone like to take my opinion on taking the little devil in for her first days away from authority?

Of course I was pressured into it... and I didn't know what I got myself into until I opened my door a few nights ago to her squealing, stiletto elevated, fur donning self. Behind her was a short Philippino .. companion... weighed down by Louis Vuitton luggage and with a sympathetic expression to my upcoming plight.


To be continued when my head stops pounding with memories of last night.

| 9 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

Monday, April 10, 2006

The female's orgasm last from 20-30 minutes.

The male's lasts 2-3 minutes.

Besides the obvious reasons (Y chromosome makes you deaf, incapable of getting the right groceries, and you've made keeping up a simple orgasm for more than 3 minutes evolutionarily impossible) .. the female in most other species is larger than the male, and after coupling (boy do I love that word).. the male must literally get away before the female devours him in the throes of passion (that too is a favorite, nothing like a lucid female while the formidable male is lost in said throes--such power.. but when we do, we consume you.. along with other hopefully more savory things).

So run boys.. run. Mwahaha.



**I just wanted to post the song and had nothing to say, and estrogen levels peak before sleep--mine do at least.. if I can find the acoustic version (of the song.. not the estrogen) I'll be in heaven.

| 22 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

أنواع الكسل و التبطح هالأيام ..

I came home last night after about .. 13 hours out, to find the whole place smelling like a godamn Garlic farm. If you know me you know what kind of clean freak I am..

My dad has decided to start eating raw garlic to control his blood pressure because he heard, god knows where (A Plague Upon their house!) that it does wonders to high blood pressure.

حدث و لا حرج...

الضغط عندي طق السما..

I threw a temper tantrum of epic proportions...

GARLIC!?!?!?

and the other day he was convinced he was getting a cold... I woke up at 5 am to the continuous screeching of a kettle and I find him standing over it inhaling its steam..
WHAT are you doing!! ..
He's like.. oh it's to kill the virus..

and I just stood there stumped.. wondering if it's the middle ages (actually they had apothecaries then.. so before that) if he bought his PhD, and if he'd gone daft and is intent on driving me there too..

Apparently the virus is an ice cube


I am going to LOSe my Fucking MIND!

| 18 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|