Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Dear Friends,

I've said everyhing I wanted to say. I've ranted, whined, confessed, dreamt, and rambled.

Who knows why I can't write like, or as often as, I used to.

But I've enjoyed this, I honestly have.

Reading some of my old stuff, I've discovered I'm not half as cheesy as I think I am. I've found that I have an interesting perspective tothings that at the time I never even notice myself taking, if that makes any sense.

I've found that with me, even a trip to the supermarket can be a bloggable event.

and that I can have my little world falling about me, and still make a joke.

I've found that I might just drink a little too much coffee and inhale way too much houka.. heh. ... and I say 'heh' far too much.

I think this past year has been one of the most.. interesting years. I've lost myself in it... and I know I'll find what I want, one day..

No Rush. I've always liked the chase anyway..

Just like when I started, I'm still on my own.. and I'm still a nomad. The world continues to be my little canvas. Although my artistic sense is still zilch on any scale, my hands have become steadier..


So just for now, I think I'm done. I do hope to be back in a few weeks or so though.


Adios, friends.

| 14 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Southpark Docta! ..

I've decided I'm moving to the city next June. I'm talking smack dab downtown in a top 15 most dangerous cities in the U.S. city. I never realized how crazy rent is downtown compared to the suburbs. I was calculating it and to rent a 1 bedroom apartment, it'd be the rent for a 4 bedroom villa in Riyadh.. but I figure safety and comfort are pretty non-negotiable. The area's pretty nice, all grad students professionals, and docs and nurses. Yuppie ville!

So.. ya, new beginnings.

| 15 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

Monday, November 13, 2006

I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert, and had the time of my life. Best live show I've ever been to.

Here's Ben Gibbard after the audience clapped and cheered for 10 minutes straight after their last song. He came back and sang on of my favorites:


"I will follow you into the dark..."

-------------

Years ago, it was raining on a cool January desert night. The wind carried a slight chill to it making the atmosphere simply glorious.

That night, I sat with my best friend and we laughed and danced for hours. I kissed a pretty boy I absolutely adored that night. My friend fell in love that night, and for years to come. I skipped under the moonlight.. and oh, I ran into a screen door that night. Classic.

.. and ever since, it would rain and the wind would carry that characteristic chill and I'd feel like it was that night. Only the euphoria of the memory is ephemeral.. fleeting. In my mind I would grasp for it, thinking.. give me just one more moment.. just one more second. .. and it goes.




I sat on my stoop, under a full moon, sporadic showers, and howling wind. It was gorgeous out.

I scoffed my shoes on the cracks of the sidewalk and twirled my cigarette.. the one I swore I'd quit last week.. and the week before. My car was parked awfully askew by the curb across the street, I hoped it would pour later on.. maybe it would wash away that imprint on the passenger door. But I feel no guilt. For a moment, I thought I felt better last night. I looked at this stranger standing by the curb and hovering over me and felt nothing.. and I thought, fine.. that's all I get right now. For a few minutes, I almost convinced myself that that was alright.

but now, on this stoop, I think.. my god.. what is wrong with me.. I have everything I ever thought I always wanted..

But it haunts me.. what I've given up, and worse.. what I've become, to get what I thought I always wanted. I have everything and I feel nothing. I am empty.

and whether it is what I wanted or not, it matters not.. for it is certainly what I have chosen.

| 5 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|