Monday, November 13, 2006

I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert, and had the time of my life. Best live show I've ever been to.

Here's Ben Gibbard after the audience clapped and cheered for 10 minutes straight after their last song. He came back and sang on of my favorites:


"I will follow you into the dark..."

-------------

Years ago, it was raining on a cool January desert night. The wind carried a slight chill to it making the atmosphere simply glorious.

That night, I sat with my best friend and we laughed and danced for hours. I kissed a pretty boy I absolutely adored that night. My friend fell in love that night, and for years to come. I skipped under the moonlight.. and oh, I ran into a screen door that night. Classic.

.. and ever since, it would rain and the wind would carry that characteristic chill and I'd feel like it was that night. Only the euphoria of the memory is ephemeral.. fleeting. In my mind I would grasp for it, thinking.. give me just one more moment.. just one more second. .. and it goes.




I sat on my stoop, under a full moon, sporadic showers, and howling wind. It was gorgeous out.

I scoffed my shoes on the cracks of the sidewalk and twirled my cigarette.. the one I swore I'd quit last week.. and the week before. My car was parked awfully askew by the curb across the street, I hoped it would pour later on.. maybe it would wash away that imprint on the passenger door. But I feel no guilt. For a moment, I thought I felt better last night. I looked at this stranger standing by the curb and hovering over me and felt nothing.. and I thought, fine.. that's all I get right now. For a few minutes, I almost convinced myself that that was alright.

but now, on this stoop, I think.. my god.. what is wrong with me.. I have everything I ever thought I always wanted..

But it haunts me.. what I've given up, and worse.. what I've become, to get what I thought I always wanted. I have everything and I feel nothing. I am empty.

and whether it is what I wanted or not, it matters not.. for it is certainly what I have chosen.

| 7 CoMmEnTs| -- Posted by [[ On My Own ]]--|Permanent Link|

7 Comments:

take in a big breath,
close your eyes. tight.

get on with it.

..and it will be good :)

By  confused arab chick, at 13 November, 2006 00:41  

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By  A HEROINE, at 13 November, 2006 11:34  

I love death cab for cutie. I didn't read the whole post, I can't focus enough, but I love death can for cutie. You have good music taste.


I will come back and read it mithl el 3alam o el nas on another date, when I can actually ... read and comprehend, instead of just read.

By  A HEROINE, at 13 November, 2006 11:35  

So I guess it really is lonely at the top, eh?
What ever isnt there; I'm that you'll find it some day soon :)

By  taqo, at 13 November, 2006 19:25  

I can relate.

By  Fedo, at 14 November, 2006 11:57  

I have memories of a rainy January night. They're not much, but whenever it rains...whenever it gets chilly...

Yeah, I fail to describe the feeling. But you captured it. And I can relate.

"and whether it is what I wanted or not, it matters not.. for it is certainly what I have chosen." What if I didn't realize I was making a choice?

By  Sedna, at 14 November, 2006 12:20  

Trevy bevy boo levy!Good to see u back girl. *hugs trev* i can relate.Ur going to make a great doctor..and thats what matters right now,nothing else.Luff yaw trevs

By  Lamya, at 15 November, 2006 22:36  

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